Hey there everyone, after disappearing for a few months I’m back again. I kinda went off using the PC and didn’t even boot up for ages – I went through a bad period of depression and just didn’t feel like doing anything at all. Things aren’t much better but I’ve decided I really need to keep up with this diary as quite a few people come by here and find it useful to hear about someone else living with all these problems.

So, what’s been happening? Well, I’ve done a 6 week anxiety management course where I got to meet other people with anxiety problems. It was really good to meet people in the same boat as me and we all got on really well. The course focussed on what you can do when you’re experiencing anxiety symptoms and how to maintain a positive attitude so that you don’t get as far as having a panic attack. However, although a lot of what I learnt was perfectly rational, sometimes it’s not that easy to be positive. It can be very easy to say “well just don’t think about it” or “once you’ve done it you’ll realise there’s nothing to get panicked about”, but saying and doing are such different things. At the moment of panic nothing can take your mind off the problem ahead.

I’ve been having trouble letting P go to work lately again and it’s really getting me down. My job contract ended last month and I’m now awaiting confirmation of my claim for incapacity benefit, although I am thinking of going back to work because the boredom at home is almost as bad.

My psychiatrist is arranging for me to have a CPN (finally!) and I’m hoping that having someone to talk to on a weekly basis will help. My best friend, D, is being very supportive but I don’t want to build a dependancy on her. I’m just getting really depressed that things aren’t getting any better.

I think I’ll go check out the about.com anxiety forums.